Identity

Christian. Asian-American. Creative.

Ethnically, I’m Taiwanese. Two byproducts of this identity are a strong work ethic, which is proportionally tied to the amount of pressure one feels when exercising said ethic. My parents are first generation immigrants to the United States. As my Dad recounts to us children, “When I arrived in the US, I came with a few dollars in my pocket, and a dream, that was it.” This is the story of my parents, along with a vast majority of others who immigrated during that time too. If my Dad did not work hard at learning English, then he would not last in this country for very long. If he did not attain a level of success, then he would return to Taiwan a failure, shamed by his own father. If he didn’t try his hardest to assimilate to American culture, then he wouldn’t achieve success (by success, I mean the American Dream success, which is different than the definition of success in the Bible). So naturally, with his elbows dyed black from grease, and his knees weak from the hard work he has put in, these values fell upon me, along with the pressure to do better than him. My dad, by American standards, has done really well for himself. He’s managed to acquire a large house in the suburbs, save up for retirement, and put three kids through college debt-free.

Inherit within the Asian community is a drive for success, this manifests itself in you becoming a doctor, lawyer or engineer – you don’t have another choice. Naturally, these positions are prized among societies because of what you need to know in order to perform the job. They are also higher paying jobs, which plays a part into Asian parents being taken care of during retirement.

But, why is this any relevant to this blog? What does this have anything to do with Arts and Christianity?

As a product of the previous generation, it’s imperative to understand how their culture impacts you, positively and negatively, as a Christian creative.

Right from the start, I picked a profession that doesn’t merit favor from the hardline traditional institutes of parental consent. And to add insult to injury, I became a believer in Jesus Christ. I was going to “give my life away”, as the rhetoric goes.

So the double whammy of being a Christian Creative, seeking to further God’s will on the earth by creative means. Could it get any more antithetical to the standard American Dream? Could it be any harder as a Christian Asian-American? Daily die to self, pick up my cross and follow Jesus.

The more and more I got involved with Christian ministries, churches, organizations, the less and less people were interested in high quality standards in the arts. They viewed art purely as a utilitarian component, a means to an end. It was with this discovery that I realized the uphill climb for the elevation of arts within the Church. This requires much work. Enter in my cultural values.

On a personal level, I am committed to provide the best of my abilities to the Church. Whether that’s my day job as a video editor/graphic designer for Dallas Theological Seminary or for my freelance business. This commitment is not only biblical, as my gifts are for the edification of the body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:27-28), but also rooted in my cultural values, to work hard.

There are many people out there engaged with this type of thinking, Collide Magazine, Relevant Magazine, STORY:Chicago, ECHO Conference, Passion Conference, Catalyst, North Point Media, the list goes on and on. These people don’t need to be Asian-American to understand the value of hard work, but from a personal level, this cultural value has inspired me to implement the culture that God has purposefully placed me in to bring Him glory through the gift that He has also equipped me with. 

If you’re an Asian-American Creative reading this: the work you’ve put in to get recognition from your parents is not in vain. Even if they don’t notice your sacrifice to get the skills you need to do what you love, God sees it. God has equipped you with a very special skill set to see and interpret the world around you with a different set of eyes than of the world. Come to Jesus Christ. In Him, you will find perfect satisfaction, that does not need to be earned, but rather given without anything you can provide. You can be still be creative, in fact, you’ll probably be more creative knowing that you have the Holy Spirit indwelling inside of you to create more.

this is a test

Earlier in the morning I got a phone call from the VP of a marketing firm in Columbus, Ohio. I had to let it go to voice mail because I was in class at the time. They had left a message for me to listen to later. I got really excited about the thought of potentially being offered a position or a job. The thought really led to some serious questions, “Would I leave Dallas to pursue this job?” “If I got a job, I could make some money, save it, and then come back to school so that I wouldn’t have to take out school loans.” “What if it’s a job that I really can’t say no to, like my dream job?” All these questions and thoughts went rampant in my mind. For a second there, I was about to drop everything and just go make money and be secure in that. But only for a second. There’s something dangerous about being in seminary. I’m here spending all this money on theological training and biblical education, preparing for a life full of ministry opportunities. It’s such a scary and dangerous thing to be in. But before I get lost in the darkness of uncertainty, there is something I am quite certain about; the Lord. If i’m going to place my life on something and in someone, it would have to be Jesus Christ. There is no greater security than having faith in the Son of God. He died for me to show me that I can trust Him. He came here to the Earth to serve, and not be served. He came to give Life and provide a Way, to point to Truth. If I’m going to be secure, it’s going to have to be in Him.

i’m so irregular it hurts

and no, I am not talking about bowel movements. It’s been too long friends. I apologize. Ever since I graduated, life has not been the same, nor has it been what I would expect. Things in life ebb and flow, but one thing remains constant for me; my assurance that I have a spot at the foot of the cross. Nothing else satisfies me more than to know that I am loved by the One who cannot let me down. I’ve tried to stay faithful, but my carnality begs me to wane and wander. If it wasn’t for shed blood and redeeming grace, oh would I be lost. It’s a process and it’s a journey, one worth taking and one worth laying my life down for.

updates:

1. I applied to Dallas Theological Seminary back in February or March. I found out last week that I got accepted into their Masters of Arts: Media and Communication! Praise God.

2. I’ve been freelancing as a graphic designer and it has been amazing how God has provided for me in that I have a some-what steady income with clients that seem to come out of nowhere.

3. I’ve been wanting to extend and work on my photography services, but the timing has been all wrong. With this move to Dallas in the fall, the local push in Columbus for photography has come to a screeching halt. Which I’m fine with. There are so many other things that I need to be taking care of.

4. Holly moved to North Carolina for the summer, she’s there to be with her family and to work to save up for seminary. It’s been extremely difficult dealing with the long-distance nature of our relationship now. It’s harder to read her words without looking at her body language and her face as she talks. But it’s life, and like I mentioned above, it’s worth it. She’s worth it. There’s no other woman that I’d rather be with than her. We all have our moments, but we aren’t perfect people so how we can perform to such a level. Grace and love unconditional are the salt and pepper shakers to a well seasoned meal/relationship. (mmm… bacon..)

Anyways, just wanted to post something up here to say that I’m still alive and I do intend on using this more often. I haven’t been journaling enough and it’s about time that I started to get back into the practice. So much is locked up there in the ole noggin, and the space isn’t available anymore.

Be well, peace and grace unto you.

long time no see

so it has been awhile since I’ve last blogged huh? With the job market looking grim to death, who wouldn’t want to be introspective, which could lead to a complete spiritual/emotion/physical/mental breakdown? oh oh pick me!

In the midst of all this turmoil, I find myself not on my knees more. Instead I grip for the things surrounding me; my laptop, tv shows, etc. so that I can escape away from the impending doom that awaits me. I’m not advocating that escapism is good, in fact its not good at all. I had a hard long look at myself today; literally. I stood there in front of my bathroom mirror, inches away was my unshaven chin and deep ridges along my eyes. I stood there staring, the reflection in the mirror starred back at me. In those quiet and unnerving moments, I felt awkward with what I saw in the mirror. I’m pretty sure my reflection shuddered in disgust of what he was looking at too.

I pray in the car, on my morning walk to work. I pray whenever I wash my dishes. I pray when I’m just sitting there. I’ll lift up this mini-prayers or breathing-prayers as I like to call them. they don’t have a certain format, but it goes a little something like this:

“Jesus, you’re cool.”
“Jesus, I’m in the wrong with my thinking right now, correct me.”
“God, thank You for this moment right now.”
“Holy Spirit, you like convicting me don’t you? oh.. its Your job. i seee… well thanks?”

Instead of long winded prayers that last for hours on end (not saying that those are bad) try these short ones on for size. I think you’ll come to like them. In this fallen world, where humans are slaving away 8+ hours of the day with frivolous Adam work, (thanks Adam, you know that part about working the land b/c of the apple thing, yeah…thanks a lot bud) it helps to take that 30 second time-out every once and awhile and lift up that prayer. Motivates me throughout the day to just forget the negativity and embrace the goodness that is in God.

Life Update:
I am unemployed starting this Thursday at 5pm. I’m terrified silly. But at the same time extremely excited. I’ve been entering into a new season of my life these past few months; the season of faith. I’ve never had to fully trust and lean on God in my walk with Him, until now. I will be out of work and thus will not be receiving income. I’ve managed to save up for a month or two’s expenses, so I should be okay for the next month or so. But I’m leaning and trusting on God to deliver me from this state of unemployment. Times are tough and I might even have to revert back to retail for some time, maybe even a restaurant job. We will see. I’ve been instructed to wait on God during my times of prayer with Him, so i’m going to wait.

Prayer Requests:
1. Job situation
2. Future plans past July – I’m not sure what I want to be doing ultimately, and its becoming more and more a wait and see kind of thing. Pray that my nets become wide and available for any fishes that might swim by.

Request for Prayers:
I’m going to be taking on requests for prayers from you. If you need something that needs the attention of prayer (everything) and are willing to be vulnerable with me about it, I would love to pray with you or for you, whichever. Any relationship/friendship is a give and take, not just one way.

Take Care!

-Kevan

I’m behind.

Wow. I apologize for anybody that has been following my blog. I fell off the face of the earth. I’ve been meaning to write posts, but whenever I sat down nothing came to mind. 

What have I been doing with my time? 

Trying to transition. You can ask my girlfriend how hard this transition has been for me. Luckily for me, she’s been there every single step of the way and has made this transition a little bit easier. A lot of this transition has had to deal with my weaning my dependence off of friends and onto solid foundations. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m realizing more and more that I can’t do life on my own power/will/desire/motivation. Ultimately, things will go awry and things will go under. It is just inevitable. I know that I’ve only been a month out since graduating, but it feels like an eternity. In that long expanse of time, I’ve come to this thought: God is good. I might not think it, but He is good. and two: He has a plan. I don’t know what it is, but He’s got my life in the palm of His hands. God’s been gently (and sometimes not so much) trying to remind me that my life is not my own, and that it is He who has created it. More importantly, it is He who will perfect and author it. It says in the Word that God is my author and perfecter of faith (hebrews 12:2), that I am made perfect because Jesus Himself calls me to be perfect (matthew 5:48). 

What hasn’t worked in my time of transition:

This category can relate to my finances, my relationship with Holly, my friendships, church cultivation, or a number of things. But the biggest thing that has not worked has been my efforts to establish an identity in my creativeness. Every time I sit down to work on my own logo (Kevan Lin), nothing comes. It’s like creative constipation. I try and try to push something out, but nothing ever comes out. I don’t know what else to do. If I don’t have an online identity (website) or a portfolio, I really don’t have much to go out into the world and get a job. So this is a pretty big hump to get over. If you could pray that creativity comes to me and helps me to build this up (not for my sake, but for God’s glory). 

Prayer Request(s):

If I could, I am asking for prayer on certain things in my life. 

1. I am going to Dallas next week for the Creative Church Conference (link). Please pray that I will be refreshed spiritually but also in a creative way too. (the story of how everything was paid for and why I am going, is pretty crazy- i’ll blog about that next time)

2. My current job at the Business school will be ending at the end of March. Please pray that the Lord provides for me. By way of a job or in another aspect (opportunity to serve abroad or something else entirely, I am open )

 

Thank you! Of course, if you have prayer requests of your own, please please leave them in the comments and I will pray for you.

Blasphemies

Is it okay that I think that the Buckeyes should have lost last night? I’m not going to turn this into a football analysis, but rather a spiritual analysis. Now I might be totally off base here, and that’s okay, I’ll eat my words if I have to, but I don’t think I’ll need to. So onto our analysis:

1. College football has turned into a cash cow. cow. calf. golden calf. need I say more?
2. College football players are made into larger than life people.
3. Winning is part of a crucial aspect of happiness or fulfillment within a college career

Notice anything? It’s a form of idolatry. Now, anything these days can be considered a form of idolatry given that there’s enough attention being attributing to it. We have workaholics, people who are addicted to making it big in their careers. Success has become their idol. People try to establish large social networks around themselves to build themselves up. Fame has become their idols. By themselves, achieving these things are great (given that the credit and glory be bestowed upon God) but without focus they can rapidly become idolizing things.

More than ever, especially on the campus of Ohio State, a whole culture has grown and developed where the wins and loses of the football dictate the general mood soon thereafter. Obviously if you have a vested interest in something and it doesn’t come out the way you expect it, you will be depressed, however, my point is this: Some people mope around and are clearly/seriously affected by a lose to the point where a location’s presence has been altered. Case in point: Whenever Ohio State loses a game, especially if its in the afternoon, and there is still daylight out, you can walk up and down the streets (namely east of High) and notice right away a definite change of mood. People are inside and not out. Doors are shut. It’s a ghost town. In contrast, when Ohio State wins, doors are flung wide open and people are high fiving each other like there is no tomorrow. you hear “O-H” and “I-O’s”. It’s a festive atmosphere.

I wonder what it would look like if a campus like this was truly transformed by the power of Jesus. What would it look like when people are no longer devastated by loses, and instead of flipping cars (it happened over Michigan) shook hands with their opposing schools and said “well done. good game.” What would happen to a campus that encountered the culture changing power of Jesus? Instead of keg parties on a Wednesday night, or the drunk one night stands, or a life of “happiness” through shopping and having the latest stuff. Instead of all of that, why not the peace of Christ that transcends all understanding? Why not a relationship with Jesus that can truly be satisfying? So that you don’t have to go through the peaks and troughs of a thing/person that will always fail you in the end. I don’t trust the Buckeyes to ensure my happiness, Jesus already does that for me.

have a new macbook pro and a happy new year!

I caved in. I got the macbook pro. It was just too shiny and that gorgeous display was beckoning me to take out my wallet and pay up. haha. I was angry at myself for a day or two for purchasing it, knowing full well that I need to save money. But i figure its a good investment, and that the returns on it will be great. (caveat: i did have the money to pay for the laptop in cash, so I will not have to be in debt. thank you parents and grandparents) 

Christmas has come and gone, as mentioned in the previous blog posting, and now has new years. Time passes by so quickly at the parents house. I try my bestest to get any work that I can foresee out of the way, and yet, nothing ever gets done. This place drains all my work ethic out of me. Which might not actually be a bad thing. I need to rest. I’ve been in a constant state of do-do-do, and not getting enough of don’t-don’t-don’t. So this time has been incredibly healthy for me. 

As mentioned on twitter ( http://www.twitter.com/mrkevanlin ) my new years resolutions include the following: 

1. 8 min abs
2. find job
3. learn to budget money
4. let love flourish

as Holly likes to point out “how come love has to come after your abs?” With great abs comes great love. Or at least this mind thinks so. I do need to be more attentive to what goes in and out of my system these days (that metabolism is slowing down) and it’ll be good for me to start eating more healthy too. point 2 and 3 go hand in hand, but resolution number 4 needs explanation. Let me try to translate my brain activity into the English language, here goes.

Letting love flourish, or allowing love to take its course is the basic idea behind the resolution. More specifically, it’s to allow God the reigns in my relationship with Holly. He can steer our conversations, how we spend our time, controls our every interaction. When I’ve got a Guy like God handling my business, how can I go wrong? Letting go is the hardest part of it all. I want to take this relationship into my hands, establish our relationship “laws” and making sure that we adhere to them. And as always, I never live up to the rules. Instead of seeing it from the perspective of “I’m following all of these rules because I think this is what is best” it would be much better to see it like this “I’m following all of these rules because God  would be pleased with my worship to Him.” It’s a state of worship that fuels the desire to play by the “rules”. 

so yeah, like all new years resolutions, you see how long it takes for them to fizzle and die. 8 min abs I can do without, but living life without the intentionality of worshipping God with Holly, fat chance. Welcome to the oh-nine friends

the holidays

Christmas came and went. Snow fell and magically disappeared before the 25th came around. What an odd occurence. While I enjoy the holidays, and what it means to me (a ton of food, plenty of family bonding, catching up on sleep), this holiday season signifies something greater for me. This christmas (i gave you my… i won’t go there) represents, for me, a lose of innocence. Every year my grandparents give me money in a red envelope (hong bow), it’s a tradition that most Taiwanese/Chinese families have. Well apparently, this is my last year that I will recieve one. I’ve graduated and therefore according to the rules of red envelope giving, i am no longer qualified to get them anymore. As bummed as I am about that, i’m even more saddened that I’m in the mist of transitioning from a very familiar environment where most things are paid for, to something that is so foreign to me. I have to look for and obtain medical insurance on my own by my birthday this year. Countdown set to 20 some days. Great. Add ‘searching for a job’ onto the list. My life has become a giant checklist filled with “to-do’s” and “to-see’s”. If this is what the adult world is like, I don’t want to be apart of it.

I realize that many of you might be reading this, and thinking “kevan, you’re going to be fine, because I went through that” or “you have nothing to worry about, things will work out.” As much as I respect you, and your thoughts on this, i just want to interject that these frustrations are mine and mine alone. I don’t mean to be hostile in that statement, I mean it with all kinds of truth and innocence. That I am niave to this new adult world, and this thing here on wordpress is merely an online exercise in logging my frustrations, as I work through this transition.

I know to expect failure, and for things to not work out (especially in this economy). I also anticipate that it might take a few more tries to get these wings a flapping and taking off into the sky. It’s all a process. And for the first time, I realize that I’m not alone. I have so many friends and family surrounding me, encouraging me, and rallying me. I always will be eternally grateful. But more than that, I have Jesus. He’s my calm amidst this storm of job hunting and insurance seeking. He’s my escape and refuge when the bills suddenly pile up. Jesus is there for me when no one else. When my girlfriend is sleeping and I can no longer talk to her on the phone, Jesus is there to speak with me, melting my issues away and talking me into a gentle sleep. That’s my God, and all his gentleness. It’s a beautiful thing, and without Him I would not be where I am today.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday, and I’m looking forward to writing my personal emails to a slew of you all.

Future Plans

On December 14, 2008, I will have graduated from college. Scary thought. Exciting times. When my health insurance decides to drop me on that day, I will be joining with the thousands if not millions of people in America that don’t have health insurance. In a way, I’m not worried, as my ultimate insurance plan comes from God. When Paul made his three missions trips to various places back in the day, you think he had health insurance? Don’t think so. I’ll be fine.

so what will I be doing with my life? That seems to be the only question that I’ve been getting these days. The pattern goes as such; ‘congratulations on your graduation, its been awhile hasn’t it? I’m so proud of you and your accomplishment, what will you be doing?’

I want to make it fun and tell different people different things. Or maybe today I’ll say “I’m going to be a firefighter” and tomorrow I’ll say “I’m planning on climbing Mt. Everest.” I’m sure those responses are going to be hilarious.

But instead of being coy and deflective, I have given it some serious thought, and more importantly some serious prayer. Everybody wants to know what their purpose in life is, which is connected to the Will of God for my life, which in turn is actually my plan for life too. More importantly, knowing God’s will for my life is actually one and the same with knowing who God is to begin with (Romans 12). So where do I begin? Pray. Read the Bible. All great places to start. But where do you go from there?

A constant thought I’ve always had was this: How can my passions and gifts be aligned with God’s will for my life so that a. I can glorify my Father and b. so that I might be content in doing so. Well now that time has passed ever since I’ve asked this question (well over 3 years now) I feel like God has finally started to reveal Himself to me (or maybe He has been and I just missed all the communique (it’s possible!)).

Recently, I’ve been asked to join a team that will be traveling to Kenya to run a soccer camp for the youth and an orphanage, and to try to purchase a soccer ball for every orphan and youth there. Along with doing this we will be seeing if we can set up something long term with this village/town. There are so many things associated with fundraising for this trip, but more than that I’ve been gifted in being able to see that this simple trip has incredible potential for so much more. Local soccer tournaments that will help fundraise for this trip/cause, a video documentary of the whole trip, photography, and even local schools or businesses that will want to participate in this. It’s about doing something good in this world, and banding people together to do it. But more importantly, it’s about doing it through the outpouring of God’s love. Even though this might be a “secularized” thing, God is in the midst of it. He’ll make the opportunities known to us and it’ll be our job to respond.

I’ll leave you with that today, and I’ll be writing about the process as it unfolds. Thanks for reading, be blessed today.